Break And Rebuild
by Black Sorceress
Summary: Probable one-shot. Slash. Dean/Cas. Dean is breaking, Castiel wants to pick up the pieces and rebuild him. Angsty. S4, no specific spoilers. T to be safe.
1. Dean

**AN:**_**Just a little something I threw together in half an hour. Might leave it at this, might do Castiel's POV, might even do a sequel. Tell me what you think, anyway, and we'll see lol. Also, my first Supernatural fic. First fic in a while at all. Still, Dean/Cas just calls out to me, and I had to write this. Hope you enjoy, please leave a review. I love the things and I want to know what you think! :-)**_

**Spoilers:**_**Nothing specific - I still haven't even seen the last 2 eps - just general S4**_

**Warnings:**_**Angst. Like, heavy-duty super-angst. *sigh* Brief, mild mention of suicide. Very mild slash, though might become moreso if I continue. Oh, and angst. Lashings of the stuff.**_

**Disclaimer:**_**I don't own it, though I sure as hell wish I do, especially Dean and Cas. ;-) Not making any money, either, so don't sue.**_

**Break And Rebuild**

Dean is breaking. Breaking in a way that is almost physical. He can nearly feel the pieces of himself crumbling, falling away. Gone forever. He knows it is visible. The facade is barely there; he can no longer hold it together as anything more than a pretence. It is transparent, and Sammy, Bobby, everyone, can see right through it to the broken, deplorable thing that is no longer hidden.

He is tired. Tired and weak and he hates himself _so_ much. He just wants it all to end. Needs it to. He used to be able to deal with anything, hold himself and the family together so long as it protected his little brother. But Sammy no longer needs protecting, except perhaps from himself, and he won't allow Dean to do that. And if Sam no longer needs him, wants him, then what's the point? There isn't one. And if Dean wasn't so terrified of Hell, he might kill himself. But he is terrified, so he doesn't.

Alcohol no longer helps. The pain has become too real and sharp and awful for it do more than dull it in such a minor way that there's no point. And it means sleep, nightmare-filled and terrible, and that's something Dean would rather avoid. He hasn't slept for four days now. It's evidence of his state of mind that he sees that as an accomplishment, and not something else to worry over. There are too many things to worry over, anyway, even if he is too tired and too despairing to do it properly.

Sam has left. Probably gone to Ruby, and that's another of Dean's failures. There are too many to count by now. Far, far too many. Dean wonders whether he shouldn't try to, anyway. Just for the Hell of it.

He takes another pull of whisky; he's drinking, regardless. He used to relish the burn as it slid down his throat. Now he barely feels it. He doesn't really feel anything anymore, except tired, and empty, and hopeless. And the pain. Oh, God, the pain. It never stops, or fades. Never becomes easier to bear. It's both physical and not. It sits heavy, always, dragging at him, and occasionally stabbing. And it never, _ever_ ends.

He is praying. Something wordless, more emotion than anything else, because even in the depths of his mind he's lost his coherency and is losing his sanity. He knows it can't last much longer. So he prays, but he doesn't know what for, and doesn't believe he's being heard. Why would anyone listen? He certainly doesn't expect an answer.

But someone is listening. And though they are supposed to be cold, unfeeling, above emotion, their heart is breaking.

_**Break**_

Dean is not startled when Castiel appears beside him. Just blinks his acknowledgement and continues staring at the wall, waiting for the orders he just knows there will given.

"Dean." The angel's voice is rough and low. Strong. Dean used to be strong. He isn't anymore. Doesn't really want to be. "Dean."

That's all. Nothing more. Finally he turns his head, and it takes far too much effort to do so. "Cas," he murmurs, staring at Cas' burning blue eyes

"Let me help you." Warm, strong. Like a verbal embrace, folding around him.

Dean laughs brokenly. "I don't think anyone can help me." Because he is broken, broken into so many pieces it would take a miracle to gather them together and rebuild him into something strong and worthy and _good_. More than a miracle. It's impossible.

"Let me try, Dean. Please."

Please. Dean doesn't think he has ever heard Cas say that before. He finds himself asking, a little desperately, because, hey, maybe there is the tiniest spark of hope left after all, _"How?"_

That's when the angel, Castiel, in his beautiful vessel that doesn't hide the sacred, angelic glow, leans forward and kisses him. It's soft and gentle, chaste, and it feels _right_. It feels good. And Dean wonders whether maybe Cas has already started picking up the pieces, even if they're no where near being glued back together again, because the pain doesn't go, but that dreadful empty hollow in his chest seems to fill, just the tiniest bit.

And as Dean returns the kiss, because for the first time since he was lifted out of hell something feels just the tiniest bit _right_, he cries. He cries, and he thanks God, and he thanks his angel. Because maybe this is a miracle.


	2. Castiel

**AN:**_**Okay, not too sure about this one, but I tried. Definitely found Dean easier to write. Still. Maybe it turned out okay. Hopefully not too awful, at any rate. R&R, anyway, and let me know. Concrit would be great, especially for this part. Thanks for the reviews on the last part, too. Great to know people enjoyed it. Just hope I haven't ruined it with this part lol.**_

**Spoilers:**_**Nothing specific - I still haven't seen the last ep - just general S4**_

**Warnings:**_**Bit less angst than last time. Maybe. Still angsty though *sigh* Brief, mild mention of suicide. Very mild slash, though might become moreso if I continue. Angel-love. Sappiness. Lots of sappiness.**_

**Disclaimer:**_**I don't own it, though I sure as hell wish I do, especially Dean and Cas. ;-) Not making any money, either, so don't sue.**_

Castiel is no longer cold and emotionless. He is no longer the perfect angel. He feels. He cares. He _loves_. And he no longer fears Falling. He doesn't want to, because he still loves his Father, but he loves Dean too. (More? No, he doesn't think so. Differently, but just as absolutely.) For Dean he will do anything. Truly, absolutely, anything. And if that leads to his Fall? So be it.

He doubts. After everything, how can he not? But he believes in Dean. Dean who is breaking, broken, and yet still strong and good and _worthy_, even if he cannot see it. In Dean, Castiel has faith.

But Dean is breaking. It has become steadily more visible, in his face and in his mind. He is crumbling, tired. Despair and pain roll off him in waves, so that it is painful just to be in the same room. Watching him. Castiel's heart breaks, cracking just a little, and he knows he has to help, has to try and fix this. Fix Dean. Not because Dean is the saviour, their hope, but because he is Dean, and he does not deserve to shatter and remain broken. And because Castiel loves him, and he thinks that if this continues much longer he will break too, and then what will be left?

So he watches, and he waits, and he loves. He does not know what he waits for, only that he does. But finally he can wait no longer, when the last spark of hope is dying and all Dean wants is an end, and Castiel can no longer endure.

Then he goes to him.

_**Break**_

He appears beside him, stretched apathetic on the bed, whisky that no longer helps at his side. His chest aches at the sight, at Dean's pain. The man does not flinch; he is no longer startled, or he no longer cares. There is no verbal acknowledgement, no turn of the head, just a slow blink.

"Dean." The word is a plea, a prayer, a call. "Dean," he repeats, low, almost a murmur. What else can he say? He wants to fix this, but can he? He doesn't know, but he has to try.

There is silence. Silence for long moments that seem to stretch, taut and heavy. Finally Dean turns, staring at him, their gaze connecting, green on blue. It burns him, warms him, pains him. It is both wonderful and terrible. "Cas," he murmurs, too quiet, too tired, too hopeless.

"Let me help you." He needs to do this. He needs to help, to try and pick up the pieces and fix them back together. Castiel loves Dean no matter what, and he doesn't know how that happened, but it has. Castiel loves him broken, but it pains him too, and he needs to help, for both Dean's sake and his own. Selfish and selfless.

The broken laugh that escapes Dean makes him flinch internally, a stab of pain that is worse than a physical injury piercing his chest. "I don't think anyone can help me." So hopeless. And so sure that no one should help him, even though Castiel knows that Dean is the most worthy human in existence. He just wishes Dean could see that. He wants to _show_ him that.

"Let me try, Dean. Please."

Please. He needs to do this, for both of them. He needs to help, because Dean is breaking apart, and it is awful. _"How?" _Castiel can hear the desperation, and in a way it heartens him. Dean wants his help. And maybe, just maybe, he has a little hope left.

He does the only thing he can. He leans forward, and he kisses him. He loves Dean. Will this help? He hopes so. He believes so, though he doesn't know why. He tries to push all the love and acceptance he can into this kiss, trying to wrap it around them. It is chaste. He has never kissed anyone before. It is beautiful. Perfect.

And Dean responds, lips, mouth, moving softly against his own. He is crying. They are both crying, silvery tears sliding down their cheeks, leaving wet, salty trails. And it's wonderful. Maybe it works. Maybe he is putting Dean back together, just a little. And Castiel hopes for the future and prays to God, not for himself but for Dean. Always for Dean.

**AN:**_**Okay, that's it. Possibility of a sequel on the cards, depending on what you think of this and whether or not I'm inspired by anything. Definitely going to be writing more (undoubtedly angsty) Supernatural fic, because dude! I love it! :-) Anyway, review and tell me what you think.**_


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